The Teacher Who Flunked her Test and Lost her Quiz Bee Contest

Of all the beautiful things in the world, the metamorphosis of a butterfly is indeed the best phenomena that I have seen. Nothing beats the journey of a crawling caterpillar from being hatched from an egg to covering itself and be a chrysalis and afterwards, flying as a beautiful butterfly.

As a human being who searches for knowledge I can compare to a metamorphosis of a butterfly my education, my journey from pre-school to college but unlike the butterfly that flies and adds beauty to every flower it stays on, I have spent my most of days in school as a caterpillar. I was just an average student who went to school every day, listened to my teacher and worked on my homework. I was just crawling and crawling until I bumped into something called direction. My fifth grade teacher saw something in me that I did not know I have. It is the ability to be better than what I am. She pushed me to not just move but move to a certain direction. I followed her as I followed the arrows pointing to my direction of stepping up. I embraced the change as a caterpillar covered itself with a leaf and became a chrysalis. I felt so warm and I knew I was better then. I was not the slow leaf-eating caterpillar anymore but I did not realize that as I covered myself I also covered it from the world. Even though I learned to adapt myself to any weather as I shielded myself from rain or storm I continued hiding myself in my shell. I was afraid of the real, bigger world. I was a coward who was afraid to take risks.

Not until I saw a slight ray of light from where I was. I was blinded yet amazed of those sparks I have seen so I planned to step up higher. In my options of working after highschool or going to college, definitely I will go to college. I took up several entrance examinations from different institutes and universities but the admission test whom I kept on praying to pass since I planted my first step in school was the UPCAT (University of the Philippines College Admission Test). As a Filipino student, it is a great privilege to study at the University of the Philippines. I passed most of the entrance examinations I took which offered me with a bright future but that did not make me happy because I failed in one test, the only test I failed and it was UPCAT. My dreams were shattered. I already visualized my four years of college at the University of the Philippines but I knew it will not happen anymore. I cried a river and I was in pieces not until I received a letter which offered me to study in an institute and take teaching as my course with full-tuition fee assistance grant if I pass the school’s interview. It taught me to dream again and have faith in myself that my one failure cannot stop me to be what I want to be. I went to that interview and at same time, I tried my luck in joining a quiz bee contest but it is not just a typical mind contest because a good amount of cash was at stake of winning which will be a good help to support my study.

Among the 400 highschool students, the top three students were the ones to compete in that mental challenge. I was not in the honor roll so I did not expect to be one of the top three students to join the quiz bee competition as I landed on the number one spot but it did not end there, I needed to compete with the best from our district. Even though success is not yet at hand,

my family was happy and very supportive of me but I did not know that for the second time I will fail them again.

From flunking my entrance test at the University of the Philippines, I lost the quiz bee competition, the cash prize and my self-confidence. When I got home, I just remembered telling my mother that I lost and locked myself in my room. Inside my room, I heard the phone ringing and I shouted for somebody to take it but it seemed like nobody’s home except me so I have no choice but to answer the phone. It was my father saying how much he was proud me no matter what happened and that he was so glad that soon I will have my highschool diploma and will go to college. The next day, my father picked me up from school, he told me that I passed my interview and it is going to be a free ride for me to college.

After all the failures, I have experienced I went to First Asia Institute of Technology and Humanities and took up teaching as my course. Months after my college graduation, while teaching in a private special education school, I passed the Licensure Examination for Teachers who would have thought that the highschool student who flunked her admission test will pass the teachers’ test to become licensed and the highschool student who joined quiz bee contest with cash prizes to earn money does not need to do it anymore because she is now earning a living for her family by doing the thing she loves most, teaching.

This time, I can say that from the chrysalis that is afraid to see the world or show the world what she can, I am now a butterfly that spreads it wings and flies. The butterfly that will not just soar but will help young people to soar as well as she teaches and will pass the beauty of learning from one generation to the next generation until they matter to the world.

NAGKATAONG LANG!

1.       Ano ang meron sa lyrics ng LUCKY? Yun na ata yun! Eto ba ay yung kay Britney Spears? Sikretong malupit!

2.       Beep! Sabi ng jeep o sabi ng ceepee? Potek! Kelan pa ko nahilig sa text?

3.       Count hanggang 83…”Tayo na ba?” Yun tipong pang 82 na ang nasa pila at pang 83 kayo at tatanungin mo sya, “Tayo na ba?” at papangaraping sabihin na “Oo, tayo na! Mag-jowa na tayo!” pero syempre ang isasagot sayo “Hindi pa, yung pang-82 pa ang nasa pila eh!”

4.       Drive! Driving me crazy! Jeepney Love Story? Yeng Constantino ang peg?  Ano ba? Gaano man kasarap sa pakiramdam ang makatabi sya jeep kelangan mag-ingat maraming mandurukot dyan.

5.       Eh! Dumating sya…sa isip mo at sa harap mo. Yung nasa isip mo, nagtatanong ka, “Darating kaya sya?” at “Ching!” Dumating nga sya!

6.       F*ck! San Juanico ba ako? Alam kong di reciprocated ang feeling…ako na! Ako na ang bridge. Bridge over troubled water.

7.       Groupings! Caller, nakarelate ako! Di ako nag-iisa sa mundo na nasa ganitong sitwasyon.

8.       Hiya! Nafeel for the first time kasi dati walanghiya! Di naman ako ganito dati eh. Bastos ka!J

9.       Iniintay! May longing? Naiinis na ako ha! Masaya akong namumuhay mag-iisa ha!

10.   Jargons! Kelan pa ko nagbigay ng sarili kong definitions?! Kelan pa ko naglagay ng malice!

11.   Kanta! Bakit biglang pinatugtog sa radio? Yung tipong, may gumugulo sa isip mo tapos may pinatugtog sa radio, yan ba ang sagot? Well. It’s a wrong answer. I mean, a wrong song!

12.   Leave it that way! Ang lahat ng ito ay NAGKATAON LANG!

Ang pagpopost ko ng BLOG na ito ay nagkataong lang. Nagkataong walang kwenta sa makakabasa. Nagkataong malaking parte ng pribadong buhay ko kaya di ko pa maibahagi ng lubusan.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

I am not ready for it! And it sucks!  Sometimes, I hate the fact about me that I have a memory like of a goldfish. For all my life, my world just revolves around my family and my friends. Right now, I wanna talk about my friends, I think I am surrounded with lots of good buddies but I know that it is my fault why I cannot have them in some cases or eventually losses them. I have such a big dream for myself and as I keep myself busy reaching for it, I did not notice that I am keeping away myself from my friends but I salute most of them because at the end of the day, they still know me and the things that I have contributed to their lives. I  admit sometimes I prefer to be alone because it is the time when I can think clearly but it does not mean that I care less to my friends all I need is that simple “Hey!” and I  will be just right beside you. I believe that I can give love to my friends selflessly and it is just so sad that in reality, you met friends that only know you when they need something, “Ouch!”

Recently, I lost my phone so the phone numbers of my friends, with my best, I tried to reach out for them by posting a Facebook status containing my new number, I don’t care if strangers will send me messages what I want is to receive messages from my friends but only few friends texted me and I was like where are the others, it is not I am feeling like the VIF here (very important friend) but if strangers can text why can’t you…after all our friends are once strangers to our lives. Really, I was sad not receiving messages from my friends so I asked a friend to send a group message for me in which I stated my new phone numbers and telling them to add it on their contacts or not, it is alright to me…Then friends starting to show up, “Oh!” I am receiving messages from them but wait, they are asking for my help…”OMG!” now, they remember me. Will I help them?Of course I will, I am a good friend.

Now, I would like to talk of being in a group of friends, well I belong to a Trio when I was in college, I am girl with a girl bestfriend and a guy bestfriend (two girls and a boy). They are my best buds and I love them. A lot. I don’t have any problems with them. Last night, I heard from the radio the whines of a girl who is in this kind of group of friends and her girl bestfriend and guy best friend falling in love with each other and left her alone, she said that she is not jealous that the two ended up together it just at that situation she clearly lost two friends as those two just focus their time and affection for each other. I did not find myself in that situation but if that happens I think I am ready for it because aside from the group where I truly belong I expanded my horizons of having friends. I remember the time when my two bestfriends became ORG officers and attended lots of meeting, I found myself alone so I reached out for other people to mingle with and I did survive. Maybe because of this, I learn to live alone and look for someone to be with but now I realize how I miss my two buddies, I hate regrets but now, I regret that I wasted my chance to work with them after college as I plan to live my life on my own. They are really closer now, that sometimes I feel like we are not the same peoples anymore, which is partly true because as time goes by, we change but they changed together and I was not present when those changes happened to them. That is the part that I am not yet ready, not ready to accept the fact that if I can live on my own so they are. I hate that it is still very clear to my mind how we have been and even hate the fact that we could not be like that anymore as in this time of our lives, we already have our own bits of priorities, I have to admit the fact that we could not be together most of the time, each has work to attend to, loved one to attend to, individual life to attend to. I don’t know how I look in this blog but I just want to clear it that I am not upset with my friends. I love them with my whole heart. What makes me sad is that things change what you always have in the past could be absent in your present or future.

Honestly, I really love you guys, and wherever you’ll be, I am just here to support you all you have to do is to connect with me.

I don’t know what will be the reactions of my friends after they read this, will I loss them or will we get stronger. Just remember this, I’ll be there for you when the rain starts to fall…

Endless Ending...

It was July 1, 2011. Another episode of my life unfolded. Finally, after months of no work and feeling so useless, I already got the chance to be worthy. I accepted the opportunity to be a LSB teacher who is going to receive only P4000.00 per month. It was not that I was so desperate to have a work but I love teaching so much and I realized that it is not really the money but the chance to change the lives of my students. I really didn't care if I won't be able to buy the things I want because during that moment what I wanted is to buy things for my students...things that will help me to teach them. I must say that I was the economically-challenged teacher at that time but I was so rich with the affection and happiness I received as the Third Grade Section-B Teacher of Miguel L. Aranda Memorial Elementary School.
As a LSB Teacher, it seems like you only have a one-year contract to teach in a school you are in. So, you just get to teach for the whole school year and just like any grade school teacher, you teach the third graders today and tomorrow, they are already fourth graders. As a teacher, you should not feel sad when you promote your learners to the next level. Instead, it is an achievement for you to help them to level up. But, I don't know, it's just these kids have been a part of my system for the past nine months...the people I always see, hear, feel and talk to. The people that I always spend my whole day...whole weekdays.
I cannot describe myself as a teacher but I am sure that I am not the best even though I am really trying. I believe sometimes, I was strict, I was a disciplinarian because I want my students to be disciplined but I believe that I was also a family to them as I treat them as my family outside home.
After nine months, and I don't get to see my students often...vacation time is coming. Few students keep on coming as days go by. I don't even got the chance to heartily tell to them how I am honoured and overwhelmed to have the chance to be with them that even though they are noisy and loud...I am gunna miss their laughter, their smiles, their greetings, their sweet nothings and our relation as teacher and learners.
It is my first time to teach in a public regular school setting and I really learn a lot up to this time. Even though it is really hard to be in this place nothing beats the happiness I felt after I sent my students home and did not notice that some students chose to stay and surprised me with writings on our chalkboard saying "I am a nice teacher!"

Indeed, a year to teach my third graders ENDED but the bond that we established together will be ENDLESS!

Danny Seigle

      

          I am such a fan of Danny Seigle and I would like to make this a page for him. To tell how much I <3 him...

Lightning the Dynamite (How it started...)

       At first I don't like DS and so the basketball but I do remember myself cheering for Alaska during the Alaska - Ginebra Finals in 1997. I also enjoyed watching my cousins who played the game in our inter - barangay league.

       Then it was 2000 when I saw a magazine, it featured the SMB and it said "Back 2 Back Champs" with photos and a calendar (which I posted on our wall). I dunno but with just looking at those photos, I became a beerfan.

       It was 2002 when when I finally enjoyed watching UAAP games and I already love BASKETBALL. I also remembered to watch a game of Team Pilipinas versus another country, a player got injured. It saddened me then I realized that basketball is worth-dying for other players. That heroic athlete was DS but I did not pay attention on his identity but on what happened to him. I really have no idea who he is and did not try to learn things about him. 

      Another game of Team Pilipinas made me an Olsen Racela's fan and because his mother team is SMB, it was official I am a true-blooded beerfan. (And I still did not know about DS during that time. I was more familiar with his BIG bro...Andy Seigle. I did not know that Andy Seigle has a brother in SMB...)

       2004 was the year when I watched PBA to the fullest and of course, I was cheering for SMB. The team really played good that time but they've got eliminated. :( In one of their games I saw DS and I said to myself, "Oh! He's a beerman!" but still I was more of an Olsen's fan. My first impression with him was he was just a benchwarmer. I was like who is this big man then one of analysts said that "He is back but the question is does the player he used to be is also back?" I thought, "Is this guy good?" In that game he did not score that high but after more games..."Oh man! He's a scoring machine!" The team needed him.

       I still did not realize that that he was also the player I saw who got injured few years ago in a Team Pilipinas match not until he encountered another injury and because of that the team I rot for was incomplete again but what was more annoying was I missed DS and the way he plays and even though he was always on the sideline I preferred more of seeing him inside the court and even though he really looked good with his outfits, I want to see him in a SMB jersey...From then on...I became a DYNAMITE DANNY SEIGLE'S FAN! :)

The next one is a poem I wrote for DS. It is in Filipino...

Danny Seigle

ni akaTorrieAllens

Nais kong inyong malaman, makilala,
I want you to know and meet

Taong laman ng aking puso at diwa,
The man who occupies my heart and my mind

Ipinanganak sya sa Pennsylvania,
He was born in Pennsylvania

Daniel Charles Yadao Seigle, sya na!
Daniel Charles Yadao Seigle, that's him.

Sa PBA, siya'y si Dynamite Danny,
In PBA, he's Dynamite Danny

Mga tagahanga nya ay marami,
He's got a lot of supporters

Tatlong Yahoo groups ang mayroon si Danny,
He has three Yahoo groups

He's my only MVP!

He's my only MVP!

Sa Wagner College pa lang ay stand-out na,
Even in Wagner College, he was  already stand-out player

Sa San Miguel Beermen, pambato sya,
In San Miguel Beermen Team, he's one of the best

Career points nya ay 5000 at may dagdag pa,
His career points are 5000 and still counting

Rookie of the year yata ang dinamita.
He was the Rookie of the Year.

Fade-away shot? Yakang-yaka ni Danny,
Fade-away shot? He's very good at that

Sa bawat game may 3-point play lagi,
In every game. there's a three point play

Dun sa rainbow country di sya panis,
He has hands at the rainbow country

Kung slamdunk lang eh sisiw kay Danny S.
Slamdunk? No Sweat!

Itong malaking mama ay model ng Anta,
This BIG guy is a model of Anta

He's my superman! Lipad na!
He's my superman! Go fly!

Makilala si Danny ay aking nais,
To meet him is what I want

Malamang super love sya ni Torrie Allens.
To know how much Torrie Allens hearts him.

I called this tiDbitS... 

          In one interview, Olsen Racela mentioned that their team used to hang-out at Aruba (MOA). Since I am not from the city when I got the chance to go to MOA, my goal was to look for Aruba and I was happy because the ride that was carrying us parked exactly in front of Aruba. Then I asked the waitress outside the bar, "Is it true that SMB hang here?" She said, "YES!" and my friend asked, "Is Danny Seigle cuter in person?" The girl said, "YES!" as well.:)

What did I experience when I finally saw DS in person?... 

Dynamite Explosion

       It was April of 2008 and I was checking my e-mails then I found out that MBM will play at Lipa City so I asked my father to buy me a ticket and he did. He texted me a morning before the game that I already have a ticket for it I was really happy. :) I can't sleep that night then I thought what if DS won't play and yeah, he did not. :( 

       It was may 3, 2008, we arrived at De La Salle-Lipa. My friend said that MBM went there at 10 a.m. and DS was there so there's a chance for him to play. :) Beside us was a man who was so loud as he was telling his friends that he saw the practice and he already had pictures with MBM players. Even though  I did not know him. I asked him if he saw DS and he said that he did. :)

       After more minutes, we saw the bus carrying the players and we were so excited. :) Some people said, "They're coming inside!" and others said "No! Not yet!" I really did not know who's to believe in. Then the noisy court became quiet when Olsen Racela entered the court firstly. A lot was starstruck and then everybody was  screaming. I told to myself that "Hey! that's Olsen", my first favorite but I was looking for DS...but I can't see him. :(

       I was like, "Where's Danny? Where's Danny?" I was not smiling anymore and my friend said that "C'mon! Let's have pictures with the coaching staff." So I looked at the MBM coaching staff and there he was...my world stopped spinning. I finally saw DS! He was real! :)

       But what kind of fool I am...I found it hard to walk towards him. I cannot move my feet. I was shaking and I felt like if I stand up and move I will pass out so I just watched him throughout the game. I really did not pay attention to the game. I was just looking at him the whole time... Even though I was not able to talk to him,say hello or have a picture with him, I felt like I won in a lottery to finally see him in person. :)

It is the Best Option Right Now!

I would like to share this pedagogical joke. I am very sorry if this will not amuse you but If does, go laugh with me. Here it goes;

STUDENT: Ma’am, thank you so much for teaching us.

TEACHER: You should not say thank you. It is my work and I am getting paid for it.

                What? Not funny at all? Anyway, I am a person who loves to do and have a lot of things that only a wealthy person can afford. I will be a liar if I say I do not want to have a bag of bread because seriously I really do not want to feel less since I have less money. BUT I do not know when it comes to teaching suddenly I forget what I want to have and instead I just find myself so glad, so blissful, so joyful, so euphoric, so happy to be given a chance to TEACH. I remember accepting my first teaching job for a salary of P5,000.00, I really did not care about the money, I was after the teaching experience. I realized that 50 hundreds are kind of a small amount to help me to cater my needs and obviously my wants as Ghandi said, “The world has enough for human needs but not with human wants”, but when my salary got higher, a smile was on my face but then I found another dilemma which was I have more money but less time for myself. I wore myself out. My 24 hours of a day were distributed into work, home, work, home, work, no more time to have fun that I rather spend my free time having a rest and stay at home even though I really want to see the world. I remembered a college friend invited me to go malling in her birthday and I promised to come but from just Monday to Friday classes the school where I used to work decided to have a Saturday class (which I understood since it was for our students’ welfare) during that week and my friend’s birthday is Sunday even though I can turn down my friend and tell her that I cannot go home to our place and have to stay at my new place since I still have a meeting by Sunday afternoon, I still went home by Saturday night, been with my friends Sunday morning to afternoon but honestly I still felt deprived of the time, I missed my friends so much that it was breaking my heart to left them earlier because I need to be in our school meeting. On my way to the meeting, I was still thinking of my friends who have more time to spend with each other and be happy while I need to attend to my duties ASAP. I really cried that day and it was for two reasons, so sad for not having more time with the people I love that I need to divide my short Sunday time with my friends and family and since I spent more than half of it with my buddies, I just found myself getting my bag and saying goodbyes to my family as I go back to work and the other reason was I was so happy God made my short Sunday time priceless, I definitely made the best out of it. I felt the best feelings of having friends and the timeless love of my family. I realized that if I did not go home that Saturday night and spend my short Sunday time with my loved ones I probably lose the half of my life, seriously. With that I resigned from my work. Wow! I have more time at the moment but I do not have the money and I am not happy about it either. Come on! From No time and less money to No time and more money, it was more time and no money during that moment. Then I got myself a work as a guest teacher, there I spent my time quantitatively and most especially qualitatively, I was busy yet so happy but my salary will just be released after my service. It was very fine with me but it is hard since I have to rely on the helping hands of my parents again which we all thought that was already done right after I finish college. Seriously that time I can really describe how having less time and less money felt. At the moment, I was offered to do tutorials and with here, I have now more time though less money but at least there is still money while I still do what I want which is teaching (partially?!).

                Probably to have both time and money is the best reason why I am in tutorials right now. As in I am the tutor though I have to admit when I took an exam in a tutorial center where I was applying, I nearly die physically and of embarrassment like I cannot answer the Algebra problems so with the integers. I was thinking like maybe the one who checked my answer sheet will ask, “Is she a tutor applicant or a tutee applicant who needs to learn more with her Math?” Anyway,  I am a tutor right now and I am happy about it because firstly, I can grow my nails and paint them with striking colors, I can have highlights with my hair again and I am thinking of light brown, chocolate brown and dark green, I can wear anything I want at work, less learning materials, no visual aids, no lesson plans, no grades to do, less learners  and less stress. I can say that “Yeah baby, it is indeed the best work opportunity right now but I am telling you as soon as I get the chance to teach in a school, I would not think twice but to grab it even though I have to cut my nails and use natural-colored nail polish, keep my hair black, make more learning materials and motivating visual aids, prepare SMART lesson plans, assess grades, facilitate more students and eventually more stressed moments. I love teaching so much and for me nothing beats the feeling of standing in front of the classroom where students look at you, listen to what you say, respond to you and at the end of the day, thanking you for teaching them. Then it’s up to me to reply with “You should not say thank you. It is my PLEASURE and I am feeling so WORTHY about it” or “You should not say thank you. It is my work and I am getting paid for it.”

Because It Is The Right Thing To Do…

                I can say that I am a good decision maker. I don’t know, it just comes so naturally that I often chose the best for me. And though I’ve tried so hard to feel regretful about a particular decision I’ve made that did not bring my target result I always failed because I learned a lot from it no matter how painful it was for me.

                I will give episodes which I think I made good decisions but still make me think what if I’d gone for the other option. Firstly, ride to college, I could have chosen a course I did not like to be accommodated in a university I love to be in but instead I chose the course I want and failed the entrance examination of that university. I cried a river but God was so good. He was giving me a scholarship from a very good school and take up a course which I will love so much, “TEACHING”. I thought that if ever I passed in my first choice school and take up the course I am not interested then maybe I was not able to enjoy college that way I did. My studying had never been a chore for me. I really liked it. A lot.

 Secondly, the job offers, as a teacher, one of my greatest wishes is to work in an international school but I chose to teach in a SPED school. I love to teach children with special needs. It is nice to feel that you are one of the factors that will help them to cater those special needs. I thought that if I teach rich kids, I will feel obligated in my teaching since these students are going to pay me big. I don’t want to teach for payment. I want to teach for purpose.

Thirdly, sharing my dreams to others, I have a lot of plans for myself, I want this and I want that but since I cannot attend to both I share it to others, saying you try this and you try that and telling them what to do. Then once they performed the tasks very well and landed on their fruitful results. OMG! I was happy but I don’t want to be a hypocrite sometimes I think what if I kept it on myself, what if I did not give him the ideas, what if I give him the wrong ideas, what if I am the one who pursue it then I think I would not be able to attain those dreams because fate will not give it to me due to the reason that I became a self-centered, selfish, egoistic, narcissist type of person just to get what I want. I know that sometimes I think of myself first that I should love myself first before others but what I really know  is if I really love myself I should love other people first as love begets love. I can’t be happy if I know others could have been happier if they are the ones on my place. I think it is nicer to feel that I am part of one’s success than to be the one who reaps away one’s dream.

Fourthly, getting what I want, how far would you get just to arrive to the one you really wish all your life? And what would you do if you already sacrificed a lot but in the end, it’s already the end? In teaching, if to teach in an international school is one of my greatest dreams then my greatest dream is to teach in a public school. I applied for it. I was ranked three among the 50+  to 60+ teacher applicants. So, if we looked it, it seems that I have a good chance to be hired but I am not from the place where I applied, for example I am from place B and I applied at place A since they have this localization order, no matter how good your ranking is the priority of the committee is to hire first those applicants from place A before they give opportunity to the applicants from place B or C or D. Then I thought what if I lied about my address, what if I used a place A address then the tendency for me to be hired is huge but I also thought that with what I am doing I am already throwing away my slightest chance to be accepted. I tend not to do it because a huge part of me says that if it is really for me then it will be given to me.

This blog post is the heaviest thing I have written so far. This one is very personal. I know some might say that I am sour-graping, bitter, envy, insecure, hopeless, nonsense, whatever but one thing is for sure I may not be a good person but at least I am trying my best not to be bad. I received a message saying the right thing sometimes is also the hard way but for me the right thing sometimes is the hurtful thing. Will I post this or not? Am I ready to share this piece of myself online? Maybe some people can relate with me but I wish you get something from this scratch. Yes, I posted it because it is the right thing to do. For ME.