It is the Best Option Right Now!

I would like to share this pedagogical joke. I am very sorry if this will not amuse you but If does, go laugh with me. Here it goes;

STUDENT: Ma’am, thank you so much for teaching us.

TEACHER: You should not say thank you. It is my work and I am getting paid for it.

                What? Not funny at all? Anyway, I am a person who loves to do and have a lot of things that only a wealthy person can afford. I will be a liar if I say I do not want to have a bag of bread because seriously I really do not want to feel less since I have less money. BUT I do not know when it comes to teaching suddenly I forget what I want to have and instead I just find myself so glad, so blissful, so joyful, so euphoric, so happy to be given a chance to TEACH. I remember accepting my first teaching job for a salary of P5,000.00, I really did not care about the money, I was after the teaching experience. I realized that 50 hundreds are kind of a small amount to help me to cater my needs and obviously my wants as Ghandi said, “The world has enough for human needs but not with human wants”, but when my salary got higher, a smile was on my face but then I found another dilemma which was I have more money but less time for myself. I wore myself out. My 24 hours of a day were distributed into work, home, work, home, work, no more time to have fun that I rather spend my free time having a rest and stay at home even though I really want to see the world. I remembered a college friend invited me to go malling in her birthday and I promised to come but from just Monday to Friday classes the school where I used to work decided to have a Saturday class (which I understood since it was for our students’ welfare) during that week and my friend’s birthday is Sunday even though I can turn down my friend and tell her that I cannot go home to our place and have to stay at my new place since I still have a meeting by Sunday afternoon, I still went home by Saturday night, been with my friends Sunday morning to afternoon but honestly I still felt deprived of the time, I missed my friends so much that it was breaking my heart to left them earlier because I need to be in our school meeting. On my way to the meeting, I was still thinking of my friends who have more time to spend with each other and be happy while I need to attend to my duties ASAP. I really cried that day and it was for two reasons, so sad for not having more time with the people I love that I need to divide my short Sunday time with my friends and family and since I spent more than half of it with my buddies, I just found myself getting my bag and saying goodbyes to my family as I go back to work and the other reason was I was so happy God made my short Sunday time priceless, I definitely made the best out of it. I felt the best feelings of having friends and the timeless love of my family. I realized that if I did not go home that Saturday night and spend my short Sunday time with my loved ones I probably lose the half of my life, seriously. With that I resigned from my work. Wow! I have more time at the moment but I do not have the money and I am not happy about it either. Come on! From No time and less money to No time and more money, it was more time and no money during that moment. Then I got myself a work as a guest teacher, there I spent my time quantitatively and most especially qualitatively, I was busy yet so happy but my salary will just be released after my service. It was very fine with me but it is hard since I have to rely on the helping hands of my parents again which we all thought that was already done right after I finish college. Seriously that time I can really describe how having less time and less money felt. At the moment, I was offered to do tutorials and with here, I have now more time though less money but at least there is still money while I still do what I want which is teaching (partially?!).

                Probably to have both time and money is the best reason why I am in tutorials right now. As in I am the tutor though I have to admit when I took an exam in a tutorial center where I was applying, I nearly die physically and of embarrassment like I cannot answer the Algebra problems so with the integers. I was thinking like maybe the one who checked my answer sheet will ask, “Is she a tutor applicant or a tutee applicant who needs to learn more with her Math?” Anyway,  I am a tutor right now and I am happy about it because firstly, I can grow my nails and paint them with striking colors, I can have highlights with my hair again and I am thinking of light brown, chocolate brown and dark green, I can wear anything I want at work, less learning materials, no visual aids, no lesson plans, no grades to do, less learners  and less stress. I can say that “Yeah baby, it is indeed the best work opportunity right now but I am telling you as soon as I get the chance to teach in a school, I would not think twice but to grab it even though I have to cut my nails and use natural-colored nail polish, keep my hair black, make more learning materials and motivating visual aids, prepare SMART lesson plans, assess grades, facilitate more students and eventually more stressed moments. I love teaching so much and for me nothing beats the feeling of standing in front of the classroom where students look at you, listen to what you say, respond to you and at the end of the day, thanking you for teaching them. Then it’s up to me to reply with “You should not say thank you. It is my PLEASURE and I am feeling so WORTHY about it” or “You should not say thank you. It is my work and I am getting paid for it.”

Because It Is The Right Thing To Do…

                I can say that I am a good decision maker. I don’t know, it just comes so naturally that I often chose the best for me. And though I’ve tried so hard to feel regretful about a particular decision I’ve made that did not bring my target result I always failed because I learned a lot from it no matter how painful it was for me.

                I will give episodes which I think I made good decisions but still make me think what if I’d gone for the other option. Firstly, ride to college, I could have chosen a course I did not like to be accommodated in a university I love to be in but instead I chose the course I want and failed the entrance examination of that university. I cried a river but God was so good. He was giving me a scholarship from a very good school and take up a course which I will love so much, “TEACHING”. I thought that if ever I passed in my first choice school and take up the course I am not interested then maybe I was not able to enjoy college that way I did. My studying had never been a chore for me. I really liked it. A lot.

 Secondly, the job offers, as a teacher, one of my greatest wishes is to work in an international school but I chose to teach in a SPED school. I love to teach children with special needs. It is nice to feel that you are one of the factors that will help them to cater those special needs. I thought that if I teach rich kids, I will feel obligated in my teaching since these students are going to pay me big. I don’t want to teach for payment. I want to teach for purpose.

Thirdly, sharing my dreams to others, I have a lot of plans for myself, I want this and I want that but since I cannot attend to both I share it to others, saying you try this and you try that and telling them what to do. Then once they performed the tasks very well and landed on their fruitful results. OMG! I was happy but I don’t want to be a hypocrite sometimes I think what if I kept it on myself, what if I did not give him the ideas, what if I give him the wrong ideas, what if I am the one who pursue it then I think I would not be able to attain those dreams because fate will not give it to me due to the reason that I became a self-centered, selfish, egoistic, narcissist type of person just to get what I want. I know that sometimes I think of myself first that I should love myself first before others but what I really know  is if I really love myself I should love other people first as love begets love. I can’t be happy if I know others could have been happier if they are the ones on my place. I think it is nicer to feel that I am part of one’s success than to be the one who reaps away one’s dream.

Fourthly, getting what I want, how far would you get just to arrive to the one you really wish all your life? And what would you do if you already sacrificed a lot but in the end, it’s already the end? In teaching, if to teach in an international school is one of my greatest dreams then my greatest dream is to teach in a public school. I applied for it. I was ranked three among the 50+  to 60+ teacher applicants. So, if we looked it, it seems that I have a good chance to be hired but I am not from the place where I applied, for example I am from place B and I applied at place A since they have this localization order, no matter how good your ranking is the priority of the committee is to hire first those applicants from place A before they give opportunity to the applicants from place B or C or D. Then I thought what if I lied about my address, what if I used a place A address then the tendency for me to be hired is huge but I also thought that with what I am doing I am already throwing away my slightest chance to be accepted. I tend not to do it because a huge part of me says that if it is really for me then it will be given to me.

This blog post is the heaviest thing I have written so far. This one is very personal. I know some might say that I am sour-graping, bitter, envy, insecure, hopeless, nonsense, whatever but one thing is for sure I may not be a good person but at least I am trying my best not to be bad. I received a message saying the right thing sometimes is also the hard way but for me the right thing sometimes is the hurtful thing. Will I post this or not? Am I ready to share this piece of myself online? Maybe some people can relate with me but I wish you get something from this scratch. Yes, I posted it because it is the right thing to do. For ME.